Opening Day

Without much fanfare - Opening Day was upon us. Sleepless nights spent in the parking lot was paying off as we had our first 'official' start of the golf season. April 13th and we were ready -- Les has joined our foursome - and Dan has moved on to 'greener pastures.' (he bought a membership in a country club - not the farm.) It was a sunny day -- temperature at tee time was a balmy 33 degrees (yes, one degree above freezing - although there were icy spots where puddles of water accumulated on the course) and there was a stiff enough breeze (really a wind) for there to be 'gale warnings' for mariners. Three of us were dressed appropriately - Barry wearing two golf gloves, Les wearing a golf glove and a wool glove, Richie in a fleece jacket, and me dressed as thought I was still in Durham, NC where the weather was a balmy 65 degrees. (we spent 16 hours in Durham - 6 of them in daylight - where we enjoyed a spectacular Seder. Well worth the 21 hours of driving that was required.)

I had spent days during the winter Snow shoeing on the golf course and wasn't as cold. It's very challenging to wipe your nose (constantly dripping), blow on your hands - fingers were numb and turning blue, while swinging a club. We played the course in a very reasonable 4 hrs and 35 minutes -- and would have played faster if we didn't stop to warm up around the bon fire someone built in the sand trap on the 8th hole. (the back 9 is now officially the front 9 and I'm referring to the 8th hole that is really the 17th hole -- do I have that right?) It should be noted that the 'woods' burn better than the 'irons'.

We knew Les would fit right in -- and bring something special. We weren't disappointed. Ever go on a road trip and have your car breakdown --- most of us are 'useless' and wait for triple A - or someone else to rescue us. A very few among us are skilled in the important things in life -- automotive repair -- and are able to change a tire, put on a new fan belt, and adjust the time on the clock without consulting the manual. In Les, we have our own 'craftsman.' Les came to play with a new golf cart. It was beautiful - shiny blue - complete with straps for the bag and a place for a scorecard. The only difference was the third wheel was installed in a way that essentially rendered the push cart 'dangerous.' This mistake in assembly was 'kindly' pointed out to Les by the starter and I'm confident the stares of golfers and smiles not quite hidden behind hands were due to Les' golf cart that looked more like a scooter. At the 16th hole (which was really the 6th hole - I'm hating this new system) Les could take it no more and with the help of another noted mechanic - Barry - he disassembled the cart and put it back - the right way. Imagine how brave it was for Les to risk taking apart the cart and putting it back together - while playing. He was ready to abandoned this new purchase on the side of the course if he failed. Most of us -- especially me - would have grunted it out - accepted being the brunt of smirks and not so humorous comments made by other golfers, and waited until I got home - not to fix the cart - but to call for assistance: 1-800-Schwartz. In many ways Les is like the Captain, who also took a great risk and ended up saving his crew and willingly becoming a hostage to the Pirates. Like Les, he had faith thatthings would work out. Thankfully, the Captain was rescued in what will be made into a TV movie with Ben playing the role of the pirate who had a 'boo boo' and surrendered to get a band aid, and Les successfully fixed the cart.

That was the best part of the day. With the frigid temperatures and the whipping wind - I managed to play terrible golf (perhaps not as bad as some of the favorites at Augusta - who fell apart when the pressure got to much. Is it really possible that all the time I am hitting trees that I'm really taking after the great Tiger?) Next time there is a snow advisory - I may suggest we not play.

As we all know - this blog is about "more" and not just Golf. I humbly express my sincerest apologies to my readership who were so vocal in their disapproval of the off color joke I recounted in last week's blog. I heard your admonitions (SAT word) loud and clear -- and while you weren't 'big enough' to go public with your complaints -- I will give in to your Puritanical upbringing and not use humor that one routinely finds in classics like Two and a half Men. To those who complained most vociferously, I would like to meet your parents and understand what kind of family life you had when good natured 'sexual banter' evokes such strong disgust.

One last thought -- I have a carton full of used golf balls -- and I always recycle the balls (meaning I play with them over and over) - rather than play with 3 new balls. I have dozens of new balls that just collect dust - and I finally had a break through. I went outside of character and took 3 new golf balls to celebrate the start of a new season. I didn't play any better -- and perhaps I hit so many shots within 'spitting distance' because I was afraid of losing a new ball - but I purposely decided to live dangerously - to live like there was no tomorrow - to play with NEW BALLS and not save them for 'another time.' Will I be able to do this two weeks in a row -- I doubt it ... but I took a first step and challenge you to do the same ...

I'm still thawing out - and hope by the next blog to have regained feeling in my fingers and toes.

Hope your drives are long and your putts are short.

Chip Out