BE PREPARED TO HANDLE THE SNAKES .... and that is what's happening at the gym. There are multiple pronged approaches to fight the oppression of the 'suits' and we won't stop until the unjust policy of spin sign ups 20 minutes before class is repealed. After hearing my credentials - I was a Marshall at a Grateful Dead Concert at Harpur College - (who knows what university this is part of?) and I did participate in numerous anti-war demonstrations back in the late 60's/70's, mostly to get out of school and try to meet caring, sensitive like minded 'hippie girls' in Tye died tee shirts ..... and yes I'm not proud of this behavior but at least I'm not claiming to be a Vietnam veteran, as an elected official in a neighboring state - 5 points for naming the state, 10 points for giving his name, and 25 points if you know the branch of the military he did serve along with the correct answers to the other two questions.
We started an e-mail campaign -and to the manager's credit - she responds to each e-mail with the same 'corporate speak' claiming this is a pilot project. Concurrently, an attorney crafted a proposal - in typical legalese, taking 6 paragraphs instead of three sentences to get our point across. There is rumblings of the need for civil disobedience - everything from sit ins to putting gum in the gears of the spin bike. I'm going to do my best to keep things peaceful, but with tempers flaring, anything is possible. If we don't take a stand now - who knows what the next step the corporation will take .... pay toilets, which is nothing more than a tax on a G-d given right. Stay tuned ... showdown is June 7th. The gym staff - trainers, front desk, management are stockpiling weapons and the early morning spinners are learning the words to We Shall Overcome. It's going to get allot uglier.
For those readers who complained that there wasn't enough golf in last week's blog, my apologies. I'm trying to shorten the blogs in preparation for starting to tweet. We faced a predicament this week since Barry, Richie and I were involved in a charity race, one which we wished never had to happen. We did find an alternative time to play on Saturday at 2 PM , without affecting anyone's personal preference to attend services, so please don't send the Shabbot police to close down the blog. We played at Sprain, which is a bit like playing in the wild kingdom. There are geese and baby geese (geeselings?) all over. Just as the title of this blog indicates - don't shake the bushes or else ...... don't hit a golf ball into a family of geese, unless you want to anger a mom/dad goose who will flap his wings and start hissing at you. There were also birds, muskrats, squirrels, chipmunks all mocking us as we traipse after this little white ball.
We all showed continued improvement on the course. Lost our fourth (Joe) after 9 and Barry after 12. Captain Rich navigated the course expertly (not unlike Sully) and had us play holes 7, 8, and 9 rather than 16, 17, and 18, given the slow moving foursome in front of us. (For us to complain about another group playing too slow is quite unusual.) Dan - if you are surreptitiously, (good SAT word), reading this blog to see if you are mentioned, I want you to know the Captain is using a weighted glove to help his swing. He'd be happy to share the dvd and instruction book with you. We figure you could buy the glove, use it this season and then return it for a full refund. (See reference to previous year's blog - passover table and chairs.)
Speaking of which - do you know this is my third year of blogging - close to 75 entries and I still DON'T HAVE A TV SITCOM. Can you believe some nothing tweets about the grousing of an old man is being turned into a show .... and this material that rivals anything that you've seen on Mash, Seinfeld, The Office, or Channel 5 news .... Well I can't and I'm not going to take it anymore. Be advised - unless I get feedback that leads to greater interest on the part of advertisers and then my own show, then I can't guarantee that you'll have this blogger around to kick too much longer. (another political reference - tell us whom this is referring to.)
Since my drives are now consistently longer than my putts, my next task is to stop killing so many worms with shots from the fairway. (Honest injun - that's probably not PC is it? - I had a worm on my ball that I was putting last week - and was not allowed to remove it without taking a stroke.
Savor this blog - it may be the last.
Max OUT.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Dobbs Ferry Gym RATS RALLY
If you think the Tea Party was a phenomena created because of the disgruntled populace banding together to speak out against big government, or that the riots in Bangkok where the " have nots" are rioting against the "haves"are is newsworthy (front page of the NY Times), you haven't seen anything yet. There is a groundswell of opposition against the announced change in policy to take place effective June 7th at the Dobbs Ferry gym. The management must be in bed with those 'la de da' pseudo gym people who come to the gym right before spin and think they have the G-d Given, unalienable right to get a bike and have proclaimed that there will be NO MORE signing up one day in advance, and EVEN WORSE ... you can only sign up 20 minutes in advance for a spin class. That means that the hard working gym grunts that line up at 4:45 am every morning to get in their 58 minutes of exercise before spin class (there is a ridiculous rule that you have to be on your bike 2 minutes before the start of a class -- and can't leave the room for any reason - including going to the bathroom with getting a pass from the spin instructor (see previous blog) will have to stop their exercising 20 minutes earlier to stand on line to sign up for a class. Those 20 minutes of exercise time is precious to us working class stiffs .... remember the days of Max who would open the door at 5:50 am because he was 'one of us.' Remember what they did to him? And needless to say - this will be the end of the nascent running club --- whose members would arrive 15 minutes before the gym opened, wait on line, deposit their belongings in their favorite lockers - (remember we are the working class who are not 'gymming at leisure and going out to Starbucks for our morning coffee after our workout), put a towel on our bikes (always the same one) and then go for our run -- which was carefully timed to get us back to the gym in time for the 2 minute class warning bell to ring.
This is a carefully constructed plot by the gym elite - those with the matching tops and shorts - those who never really sweat, but glisten to stick it to the proletariat. We've been pushed before - we've accepted the nonsensical changing around all the gym equipment for no reason other than for management to flex their muscles .... but they have gone too far.
I have proudly participated in civil rights marches in the early 60's when I was barely old enough to walk, protested against the war in Vietnam, even if it meant missing classes, stopped consuming tons of red meat - because cows are our brothers - but nothing like the actions I'm prepared to take if this ill-begotten policy is not changed.
To my faithful readers I make this pledge -- if come June 7th - I am NOT allowed to pursue my rights guaranteed to my under the Constitution of this fine Country and work out without stopping 20 minutes early for fear of not spinning .... then I declare to all my readers around the world that I will join the other great leaders - Max Fielding and the news anchor who prefers that I not use his name - but his cry of "I'm fed up and I won't take this anymore" - and promise to do the following, without regard to the consequences .....
I will BURN MY GYM MEMBERSHIP!!!!
BTW - golf was fine - Neil didn't get into any altercations, Les had the shot of the day - chipping in from off the green, Rich played his usual solid game and on most holes, my drives were longer than my putts.
I will be selling tee shirts and organizing marches on the Dobbs Ferry gym if indeed the Secretary of State - who obviously has a personal interest in the injustices happening in her home state - doesn't get the tyrants who run the gym to listen to the 'little guy' - the hard working, sweat producing drones who tirelessly come to the gym and look the other way at the dust balls that are now larger than the basketballs. We cannot afford to be silent any longer.
POWER TO THE GYM RATS!
a very angry but determined Max - out.
This is a carefully constructed plot by the gym elite - those with the matching tops and shorts - those who never really sweat, but glisten to stick it to the proletariat. We've been pushed before - we've accepted the nonsensical changing around all the gym equipment for no reason other than for management to flex their muscles .... but they have gone too far.
I have proudly participated in civil rights marches in the early 60's when I was barely old enough to walk, protested against the war in Vietnam, even if it meant missing classes, stopped consuming tons of red meat - because cows are our brothers - but nothing like the actions I'm prepared to take if this ill-begotten policy is not changed.
To my faithful readers I make this pledge -- if come June 7th - I am NOT allowed to pursue my rights guaranteed to my under the Constitution of this fine Country and work out without stopping 20 minutes early for fear of not spinning .... then I declare to all my readers around the world that I will join the other great leaders - Max Fielding and the news anchor who prefers that I not use his name - but his cry of "I'm fed up and I won't take this anymore" - and promise to do the following, without regard to the consequences .....
I will BURN MY GYM MEMBERSHIP!!!!
BTW - golf was fine - Neil didn't get into any altercations, Les had the shot of the day - chipping in from off the green, Rich played his usual solid game and on most holes, my drives were longer than my putts.
I will be selling tee shirts and organizing marches on the Dobbs Ferry gym if indeed the Secretary of State - who obviously has a personal interest in the injustices happening in her home state - doesn't get the tyrants who run the gym to listen to the 'little guy' - the hard working, sweat producing drones who tirelessly come to the gym and look the other way at the dust balls that are now larger than the basketballs. We cannot afford to be silent any longer.
POWER TO THE GYM RATS!
a very angry but determined Max - out.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
"IF I WERE A RICH MAN"
I would hire someone to ghost write my blog .... I apologize for not blogging for 2 weeks ..... truth be told - not much to say.
The two prior Sundays were polar opposites in terms of weather. Two weeks ago it was 90 and humid, last week it was in the 40's with wind gusts equalling the temperature. The only thing that was consistent for the past two weeks was my game .... which was so bad that if I knew how to - I would have put my clubs up for sale on E-Bay. Perhaps the most noteworthy thing is that Les is slowly but surely being outfitted by the Maple Moore golf shop .... having bought a black Maple Moore golf hat one week (the hot day) and a new black golf glove the next week (when it was snowing.) Other than Neil almost getting beat up because he had the audacity to pick up a golf ball on our fairway - and not seeing anyone around - pocket it. A couple of thugs playing on the fairway next to ours wanted his head because they were playing for money and it was one of their balls that Neil 'stole.' Fortunately, the fourth guy we were playing with was 'big' and wearing shorts despite the single digit temperatures .... The thugs had second thoughts about starting with us - after seeing him.
Although my game has been less than stellar -- I accepted an invitation to play at the Trump National Golf Course today. My host was a 6 figure donor to WJCS who is a sports enthusiast. We've made multiple bets during the course of the year - He's a Philly's fan - I'm a Yankees fan so I won a lunch; He operates a hedge fund so he's a gambler by nature and hates to lose. At the start of the big dance we bet which team (Georgetown - he's an alum, on the Board of Directors and 3 of his kids have gone to the school and of course I have jogged on east campus numerous times and have spent 7 years on the campus which almost makes me a Duke alum) would advance further. The bet was a round of golf -- Trump vs. Saxon Woods.
IF I WERE A RICH MAN, I'd be comfortable with the trappings of a country club - and Trump puts the others to shame. It starts off with the valet parking your car and making sure your clubs are brought to the driving range. It ends with the valet bringing your car, which they washed - with your clubs in it. In between there are people who do everything from putting the tee in the ground for you - why should you bend - to polishing your golf shoes and changing the laces because they were starting to fray. We had a caddy who carried two bags - and of course I don't have a light 'stand up' one and managed to always appear with the correct club to use. He virtually drew a line on the green for you to follow when putting. He wipes your clubs down after every swing and would iron your shirt between holes if you asked.
and for the record - let me state emphatically that I did NOT piss in the woods. The caddy carried a urinal for this purpose.
So why am I so neurotic that I can't just play the role of a 'rich man.' I dressed the part today - dressed in work slacks, a white collared golf shirt and a grey golf sweater. I wore a new Titlest golf hat and didn't blow my nose in the cloth napkin at lunch.
Who amongst my readership would be able to 'tolerate' being king/queen for a day. I'm like Cinderella - although she was able to enjoy the ball - and I didn't lose my shoe (just got them back a lot cleaner.) How would you handle this culture shock for the day ... IF YOU WERE A RICH (WO)MAN?
Status quo at the gym -- The two young women at the front desk sign Jodi and me up for spin without asking; no-one is stealing our bikes, and the ellipticals seem to have lost their popularity. Another way of saying -- no GYM STORIES.
I'm boring myself with this blog entry ..... any suggestions for future blogs? How about a section of "Ask the Blogger".... you write in questions and I'll answer them.
Until then - How do you sell things on E-Bay?
Wish my drives were as long as my putts -
Max out
The two prior Sundays were polar opposites in terms of weather. Two weeks ago it was 90 and humid, last week it was in the 40's with wind gusts equalling the temperature. The only thing that was consistent for the past two weeks was my game .... which was so bad that if I knew how to - I would have put my clubs up for sale on E-Bay. Perhaps the most noteworthy thing is that Les is slowly but surely being outfitted by the Maple Moore golf shop .... having bought a black Maple Moore golf hat one week (the hot day) and a new black golf glove the next week (when it was snowing.) Other than Neil almost getting beat up because he had the audacity to pick up a golf ball on our fairway - and not seeing anyone around - pocket it. A couple of thugs playing on the fairway next to ours wanted his head because they were playing for money and it was one of their balls that Neil 'stole.' Fortunately, the fourth guy we were playing with was 'big' and wearing shorts despite the single digit temperatures .... The thugs had second thoughts about starting with us - after seeing him.
Although my game has been less than stellar -- I accepted an invitation to play at the Trump National Golf Course today. My host was a 6 figure donor to WJCS who is a sports enthusiast. We've made multiple bets during the course of the year - He's a Philly's fan - I'm a Yankees fan so I won a lunch; He operates a hedge fund so he's a gambler by nature and hates to lose. At the start of the big dance we bet which team (Georgetown - he's an alum, on the Board of Directors and 3 of his kids have gone to the school and of course I have jogged on east campus numerous times and have spent 7 years on the campus which almost makes me a Duke alum) would advance further. The bet was a round of golf -- Trump vs. Saxon Woods.
IF I WERE A RICH MAN, I'd be comfortable with the trappings of a country club - and Trump puts the others to shame. It starts off with the valet parking your car and making sure your clubs are brought to the driving range. It ends with the valet bringing your car, which they washed - with your clubs in it. In between there are people who do everything from putting the tee in the ground for you - why should you bend - to polishing your golf shoes and changing the laces because they were starting to fray. We had a caddy who carried two bags - and of course I don't have a light 'stand up' one and managed to always appear with the correct club to use. He virtually drew a line on the green for you to follow when putting. He wipes your clubs down after every swing and would iron your shirt between holes if you asked.
and for the record - let me state emphatically that I did NOT piss in the woods. The caddy carried a urinal for this purpose.
So why am I so neurotic that I can't just play the role of a 'rich man.' I dressed the part today - dressed in work slacks, a white collared golf shirt and a grey golf sweater. I wore a new Titlest golf hat and didn't blow my nose in the cloth napkin at lunch.
Who amongst my readership would be able to 'tolerate' being king/queen for a day. I'm like Cinderella - although she was able to enjoy the ball - and I didn't lose my shoe (just got them back a lot cleaner.) How would you handle this culture shock for the day ... IF YOU WERE A RICH (WO)MAN?
Status quo at the gym -- The two young women at the front desk sign Jodi and me up for spin without asking; no-one is stealing our bikes, and the ellipticals seem to have lost their popularity. Another way of saying -- no GYM STORIES.
I'm boring myself with this blog entry ..... any suggestions for future blogs? How about a section of "Ask the Blogger".... you write in questions and I'll answer them.
Until then - How do you sell things on E-Bay?
Wish my drives were as long as my putts -
Max out
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