I come from Iowa where everyone knows that the "Corn is as high as an Elephant's Eye" -- after two weeks of rain, that same refrain would be appropriate for the Rough. Under the best of circumstances, the Saxon Woods Fairways are like country club roughs -- so today - the Rough was like a jungle. One needed a machete not an iron.
Weather -- a windy (gusts up to 30 knots) that made the straightest shots hooks and 'dead on' balls fall short of the green. Temperature at tee time was a nippy 56 degrees.
Fashion -- Barry broke out the shorts ... and who could blame him with 'those legs'.
Time -- While we were chastised by the Ranger (sucking up to him two weeks ago apparently didn't have any lasting effect - see prior blogs) for playing slow ... and we did spend much more time searching for balls in the rain forest ... we finished in a very respectable 4 hrs. and 30 minutes. A special commendation for being 'early' -- as our tee time is now 7:10 am and we meet at the course at 6:50 am.
Culinary Report -- Barry is back to a bagel, Richie - trail mix, Les is the healthy one with carrots, and I'm sticking to my Peanut Butter sandwich.
Tribute -- we took a few moments to recognize our moms - without whom we would not be on the course - and our wives -- whose tolerance of our spending 5 hours every Sunday chasing a white ball into a hole guarded by a flag is appreciated. (some may say our absence for said period is a Mother's Day gift in itself.) Quite a number of other golfers remember their mothers every time they play which is noted by their exclamation: "MOTHER - " or sometimes "YOU MOTHER" after stroking the ball.
Golf - as is life - is often humbling. Drives that were long and straight last week were slices this week. Putts that went in now were left short. For the Record -- I am most uncomfortable with the term "skirt" that is now always used when we leave a putt short. I find it to be a derogatory, insensitive term, insinuating that women are 'weaker' and thus more likely to leave a putt short. The term was introduced by a boyhood friend and I now promise my loyal readership -- and I challenge my fellow golfers -- to no longer be a 'sexist'. From now on, I 'll exclaim "Pygmy" when my putts fall short of the cup.
As the afternoon wanes and thoughts of next week's golf begin ... this is the CHIPSTER signing off --
Keep your drives long and straight and your putts short and true.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
a four letter word NOT used on the Golf Course
QUIT --- and we didn't....despite rain that got heavier and a chill that cut to the bone, we finished our game today in a record breaking 4 hrs and 30 minutes. It helped being the only ones of the course after the 11th hole. Question of the day is why Barry and Richie didn't use their Golf umbrellas until the 16th hole.
Weather forecast - morning clouds - no rain until mid-late afternoon. Accuracy - none --- we started playing under a light rain and it gradually increased to a steady downpour. I know a lot of my readership are particularly down on the bankers, blaming their 'greediness' for bringing down the economy -- but I blame the weather forecasters -- whose % of accurate forecasts mirror my % of times that I 3 putt. They contributed to the lack of confidence in anything told to us.
Style section - no shorts for any of us.
Culinary section - no carbs for Barry --- Bananas seem to be the fruit of choice.
Sports section - play was swift and soggy. a few pars and far to many 'skirts' on the green. The 'chipster' was driving the ball well.
Inquiring Minds - whose 'new' 3 wheel cart remains in the box?
OP ED: Sensi Gina's mantra at the spin class is "Become Your Dream." I've wanted to be Pete, Hutch, Crocker, and a host of other constables .... and this Wed I came close to 'becoming my dream.' WJCS is doing a series of trainings for the White Plains Police Department and I buddied up with Sgt. Jimmy. As I was leaving - the Sarge stopped me and asked if I wanted to 'have some fun' - which meant going down to the firing range - putting on a bullet proof vest - in case I hit the wall the the bullet ricocheted and hit me, put on ear plugs and safety glasses -- and with Officer Ben - a 6 ft 6 motorcycle cop who is also in charge of the range - instructing me - I shot a Smith and Wesson, 40 caliber gun. The target was a person - with the zone (cardiac area) clearly delineated. From 15 yards away - I'm proud to announce 25 of 27 kill shots. I assumed the position - two hands gripping the pistol - and fired away. The sound was deafening - even with the ear guards and the smell of gun powder evident. It was another check off on the bucket list -- and quite a rush.
Here's hoping for week-ends of fair skies and golf games where long, straight drives and short, accurate putts are predictions that come to be.
Chip out.
Weather forecast - morning clouds - no rain until mid-late afternoon. Accuracy - none --- we started playing under a light rain and it gradually increased to a steady downpour. I know a lot of my readership are particularly down on the bankers, blaming their 'greediness' for bringing down the economy -- but I blame the weather forecasters -- whose % of accurate forecasts mirror my % of times that I 3 putt. They contributed to the lack of confidence in anything told to us.
Style section - no shorts for any of us.
Culinary section - no carbs for Barry --- Bananas seem to be the fruit of choice.
Sports section - play was swift and soggy. a few pars and far to many 'skirts' on the green. The 'chipster' was driving the ball well.
Inquiring Minds - whose 'new' 3 wheel cart remains in the box?
OP ED: Sensi Gina's mantra at the spin class is "Become Your Dream." I've wanted to be Pete, Hutch, Crocker, and a host of other constables .... and this Wed I came close to 'becoming my dream.' WJCS is doing a series of trainings for the White Plains Police Department and I buddied up with Sgt. Jimmy. As I was leaving - the Sarge stopped me and asked if I wanted to 'have some fun' - which meant going down to the firing range - putting on a bullet proof vest - in case I hit the wall the the bullet ricocheted and hit me, put on ear plugs and safety glasses -- and with Officer Ben - a 6 ft 6 motorcycle cop who is also in charge of the range - instructing me - I shot a Smith and Wesson, 40 caliber gun. The target was a person - with the zone (cardiac area) clearly delineated. From 15 yards away - I'm proud to announce 25 of 27 kill shots. I assumed the position - two hands gripping the pistol - and fired away. The sound was deafening - even with the ear guards and the smell of gun powder evident. It was another check off on the bucket list -- and quite a rush.
Here's hoping for week-ends of fair skies and golf games where long, straight drives and short, accurate putts are predictions that come to be.
Chip out.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Expectations
Expectations -- we all have them ... some of us are 'glass half empty' and are hopefully often pleasantly surprised while others have high expectations are are on occasion disappointed.
Case in point: Two faithful readers have expectations of the blog that I'm finding quite challenging. One out of state reader expects the blog to be 'one laugh after the other' while another local reader expects the blog to be 'short, to the point, and no spelling errors.'
I too have expectations. I was so looking forward to golf this Sunday ... the forecast was for perfect July weather -- and it didn't disappoint. it was sunny, hot - but not terribly humid and there was a pleasant breeze off the sound. (For the fashion conscious - we were dressed in shorts and polo shirts -- looking very dapper.) I woke up at my normal4 am and was not able to go back to sleep (I foolishly set the alarm for 6:30, 'just in case.' ) I decided to clean my clubs -- (a bit of 'anthropomorphising' going on -- figuring a clean club would be a happier club and one that would perform better. I'll ask our psychology consultant to explain this syndrome.) I also had expectations of the 'compatibility' of our foursome since Les was on a business trip and Stu joined us. Stu is a childhood friend of ours - all of us growing up in Marble Hill. While three of us moved to Ardsley (Hartsdale to the purists in my readership), Stu moved across the bridge. For whatever reasons, our paths diverged and haven't seen much of Stu. I had certain expectations of playing with Stu - and will say with out reservation - that it was allot of fun. There was a down to earth, 4 friends catching up and sharing some of life's 'highs and lows' that we are experiencing. There was no 'one upsmanship' - other in the most positive of ways that no-one will likely 'by-by' two holes in a row like Stu did.
Expectations -- We are still having a hard time accepting that we are part of the 'regulars' at the golf course. It goes way back to the traumatic experiences we had as adolescents -- whether it was trying to play tennis on the public courts in Van Courtland park - where the regulars would make up the rules to 'keep us out' while they played for hours ... the best was 'if you clean the court you can play on it for as long as you want - regardless of whose waiting,' or when we would play racket ball at the New Rochelle Y -- and the regulars would literally 'shun us.' NOT ANYMORE. There was a controversy involving the starter (he holds the power of controlling the time people tee off .... for brevity sake - since I do take criticism of the blog being too long to heart ' I won't go into the details of the brew-ha .... but we were SINGLED OUT by the starter as he publicly proclaimed that our FOURSOME was ALWAYS early, ready to tee off and never caused any problems. I can speak for Rich and Barry when I say that even though we are in our late 40's .... and have a number of accomplishments that we can be proud of....but they pale compared to being given the equivalent of an A+ from the starter. Rich of course made sure the starter knew that we were 'squarely behind him' and I believe gave him his phone number in case he needed a witness. (The other party - who is clearly in the wrong - is an ADA and threatened legal action.)
The starter put us in such a good mood, that we also 'browned' the Ranger --- thanking him for doing such a good job of making sure there was drinking water on the course ... and giving him full credit for managing the traffic. Expectations -- playing on a County Course, on a beautiful Sunday morning, my expectations were that we were in for a 'long day' ... very likely to push up to 5 hours. Rather - our experience was like what we all 'hope for' but rarely experience ... returning on the GW Bridge and going right through the tolls without stopping .... we never had to wait and we never had anyone breathing down our backs. We played in a record 4 hrs and 23 minutes -- not being at all rushed.
Of course, my expectations of 'clean clubs' leading to 'great golf' didn't materialize ... as usual - more good shots than bad ... and certain in my expectation that next Sunday will come 'too slowly'.
Hit your drives long and keep your putts short.
Chip Out
Case in point: Two faithful readers have expectations of the blog that I'm finding quite challenging. One out of state reader expects the blog to be 'one laugh after the other' while another local reader expects the blog to be 'short, to the point, and no spelling errors.'
I too have expectations. I was so looking forward to golf this Sunday ... the forecast was for perfect July weather -- and it didn't disappoint. it was sunny, hot - but not terribly humid and there was a pleasant breeze off the sound. (For the fashion conscious - we were dressed in shorts and polo shirts -- looking very dapper.) I woke up at my normal4 am and was not able to go back to sleep (I foolishly set the alarm for 6:30, 'just in case.' ) I decided to clean my clubs -- (a bit of 'anthropomorphising' going on -- figuring a clean club would be a happier club and one that would perform better. I'll ask our psychology consultant to explain this syndrome.) I also had expectations of the 'compatibility' of our foursome since Les was on a business trip and Stu joined us. Stu is a childhood friend of ours - all of us growing up in Marble Hill. While three of us moved to Ardsley (Hartsdale to the purists in my readership), Stu moved across the bridge. For whatever reasons, our paths diverged and haven't seen much of Stu. I had certain expectations of playing with Stu - and will say with out reservation - that it was allot of fun. There was a down to earth, 4 friends catching up and sharing some of life's 'highs and lows' that we are experiencing. There was no 'one upsmanship' - other in the most positive of ways that no-one will likely 'by-by' two holes in a row like Stu did.
Expectations -- We are still having a hard time accepting that we are part of the 'regulars' at the golf course. It goes way back to the traumatic experiences we had as adolescents -- whether it was trying to play tennis on the public courts in Van Courtland park - where the regulars would make up the rules to 'keep us out' while they played for hours ... the best was 'if you clean the court you can play on it for as long as you want - regardless of whose waiting,' or when we would play racket ball at the New Rochelle Y -- and the regulars would literally 'shun us.' NOT ANYMORE. There was a controversy involving the starter (he holds the power of controlling the time people tee off .... for brevity sake - since I do take criticism of the blog being too long to heart ' I won't go into the details of the brew-ha .... but we were SINGLED OUT by the starter as he publicly proclaimed that our FOURSOME was ALWAYS early, ready to tee off and never caused any problems. I can speak for Rich and Barry when I say that even though we are in our late 40's .... and have a number of accomplishments that we can be proud of....but they pale compared to being given the equivalent of an A+ from the starter. Rich of course made sure the starter knew that we were 'squarely behind him' and I believe gave him his phone number in case he needed a witness. (The other party - who is clearly in the wrong - is an ADA and threatened legal action.)
The starter put us in such a good mood, that we also 'browned' the Ranger --- thanking him for doing such a good job of making sure there was drinking water on the course ... and giving him full credit for managing the traffic. Expectations -- playing on a County Course, on a beautiful Sunday morning, my expectations were that we were in for a 'long day' ... very likely to push up to 5 hours. Rather - our experience was like what we all 'hope for' but rarely experience ... returning on the GW Bridge and going right through the tolls without stopping .... we never had to wait and we never had anyone breathing down our backs. We played in a record 4 hrs and 23 minutes -- not being at all rushed.
Of course, my expectations of 'clean clubs' leading to 'great golf' didn't materialize ... as usual - more good shots than bad ... and certain in my expectation that next Sunday will come 'too slowly'.
Hit your drives long and keep your putts short.
Chip Out
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Riding the Wave
While surfing, there is an expression "to ride the wave" -- when you catch one just right and take it right to shore -- enjoying the experience and not worrying about when 'it's going to end.' Any surfer knows what I mean and I'm 'riding the wave.' Things are breaking my way --- take the gym ..... In past blogs, I've mentioned the challenge I face every morning --- where there are 5 of us who line up at 4:45 am (in addition to another 10 people, at least) and dash to get one of the 4 'special' elliptical machines that most closely mirrors running outdoors. It was getting out of hand - as another member and I formed an 'alliance' ... whoever got their first would put a towel down on another machine and guard it. This led to some 'stare downs' with the other members and each of us feeling obligated to come every morning at 4:45 --- and not entertain using any other machine. When my 'partner' showed up one morning with a 'boot' on - after seriously hurting her foot - and attempting to go on the elliptical - despite doctor's orders of bed rest for 2 weeks -- we knew the alliance was over and it was back to 'cut throat politics' at the gym. This past Friday - no different than any other Friday - I made a dash for one of the four machines at 5:00 am and stopped -- a 5th machine had appeared --- we all got on one of the ellipticals--- there was some nods and smiles as we acknowledged that while the competition for these machines had been fierce -- no one 'punked out' - and now a sense of peace reigns .... until a 6th person has the audacity to show up at 4:45 am, stand in line and try to get on one of 'our machines.'
My 'ride' continued this week as Dan - everyone remember Dan - one of the original golfers who moved up in the world and now is a member of Canyon Country Club - Dan who entertained us with a myriad of philosophical dilemmas ... like was it all right to return folding chairs to Sams Club after using them for a Passover Seder (I realize that my mentioning the chairs were for a Passover Seder may provide fodder for the anti-Semites in my readership - but I do value freedom of speech - and for accuracy chose not to gloss over the reason for the chairs) Dan invited me on Wed to play at his club. Dan was the gracious host -- the course was very challenging - essentially all hilly -- we used a golf cart - which is required on the course, but still a luxury for me - (sort of like the feeling I had after driving a 98 Oldsmobile for years and then graduating to a Subaru). Permit a digression as I once again need to apologize to Cara -- not only did she have to learn to drive on the Oldsmobile, but that was her first car and had to drive around with a big sign in the review window that said "NEW DRIVER." Fortunately, Daniel was not subject to that type of parental abuse - although he did have to drive the car - just no sign.
Golfing with Dan brought up great memories -- like the time he brought this 'gadget that cost $10 and he put it to his eye - gazed at the flag on the green - and was supposed to get the correct yardage. It never worked properly - and he returned it .... (see a pattern?). Well along with a Country Club membership, was a purchase of a GPS - Satellite guided - laser hand held yardage marker ... that works on over 50 golf courses. It essentially told you to the yard - how far away your ball was, the mileage markers at particular points along the hole - and what club to use.
And to top it off -- "old Dan" on occasion would leave the County Course early to go to New York Sports Club for a steam. Country Club Dan - finished the course (with a stop for lunch) and we enjoyed a steam at his club - while his clubs and his shoes were being cleaned.
Dan is a great guy, a super close friend and very generous to invite me to his club. I'm thinking it was coincidental that he invited me mid-week when we were the only ones there and not because he was concerned that I might 'embarrass him' with my County golf course ways. I didn't feel comfortable 'watering the grass' - but not so uncomfortable that I didn't - so maybe he was right. Dan - you ride your wave and thanks for taking me along. (BTW - made my first Birdie on the course with a 'lucky chip in")
And now to today -- the forecast was iffy - but wrong -- it was a beautiful day -- not to hot, a bit overcast. For the record - Richard looked splendid in his tan pants, black striped shirt and Masters 09 Golf hat. We got off on time - and labored on the first 9 -- following a foursome that thought they were "Tigers" but played more like pussycats. It took us 2.5 hours to play -- (remember they switched things up and the back 9 was now the front 9 with the expectation that would speed things up) and we were concerned that we were on target for a 5+ hour day -- which is obscene when you think that we stayed over night in the parking lot to get an early tee time to avoid things like this. But we rode the WAVE and finished the course in a very respectable 4.35 hours.
We all hit far more good shots than bad with Barry overcoming the 'pull to the left' jinx that the Golf G-ds had placed on his head. His drives were as straight and as long as the section of the Sprain between Jackson Ave and Greenburgh. (I thought some local geography would be welcomed by my Westchester readers who are far from home.) He and I finished with back/back "BY BY's" on the 18th and 19th holes (hint - old time favorite Broadway Show). Les has mastered the use of his golf cart and was playing quite well -- until the 'bell rang' and he had to leave with a few holes to go - to celebrate Ben's birthday .... and we extend to Ben the warmest wishes for a HAPPY 24th Birthday.
And I'm going to continue to Ride the Wave -- not worrying about the eventual wipe out (another surfer term I picked up when I was hanging 9). So until next week
Hit your drives long and straight and make your putts short and true.
Chip Out
My 'ride' continued this week as Dan - everyone remember Dan - one of the original golfers who moved up in the world and now is a member of Canyon Country Club - Dan who entertained us with a myriad of philosophical dilemmas ... like was it all right to return folding chairs to Sams Club after using them for a Passover Seder (I realize that my mentioning the chairs were for a Passover Seder may provide fodder for the anti-Semites in my readership - but I do value freedom of speech - and for accuracy chose not to gloss over the reason for the chairs) Dan invited me on Wed to play at his club. Dan was the gracious host -- the course was very challenging - essentially all hilly -- we used a golf cart - which is required on the course, but still a luxury for me - (sort of like the feeling I had after driving a 98 Oldsmobile for years and then graduating to a Subaru). Permit a digression as I once again need to apologize to Cara -- not only did she have to learn to drive on the Oldsmobile, but that was her first car and had to drive around with a big sign in the review window that said "NEW DRIVER." Fortunately, Daniel was not subject to that type of parental abuse - although he did have to drive the car - just no sign.
Golfing with Dan brought up great memories -- like the time he brought this 'gadget that cost $10 and he put it to his eye - gazed at the flag on the green - and was supposed to get the correct yardage. It never worked properly - and he returned it .... (see a pattern?). Well along with a Country Club membership, was a purchase of a GPS - Satellite guided - laser hand held yardage marker ... that works on over 50 golf courses. It essentially told you to the yard - how far away your ball was, the mileage markers at particular points along the hole - and what club to use.
And to top it off -- "old Dan" on occasion would leave the County Course early to go to New York Sports Club for a steam. Country Club Dan - finished the course (with a stop for lunch) and we enjoyed a steam at his club - while his clubs and his shoes were being cleaned.
Dan is a great guy, a super close friend and very generous to invite me to his club. I'm thinking it was coincidental that he invited me mid-week when we were the only ones there and not because he was concerned that I might 'embarrass him' with my County golf course ways. I didn't feel comfortable 'watering the grass' - but not so uncomfortable that I didn't - so maybe he was right. Dan - you ride your wave and thanks for taking me along. (BTW - made my first Birdie on the course with a 'lucky chip in")
And now to today -- the forecast was iffy - but wrong -- it was a beautiful day -- not to hot, a bit overcast. For the record - Richard looked splendid in his tan pants, black striped shirt and Masters 09 Golf hat. We got off on time - and labored on the first 9 -- following a foursome that thought they were "Tigers" but played more like pussycats. It took us 2.5 hours to play -- (remember they switched things up and the back 9 was now the front 9 with the expectation that would speed things up) and we were concerned that we were on target for a 5+ hour day -- which is obscene when you think that we stayed over night in the parking lot to get an early tee time to avoid things like this. But we rode the WAVE and finished the course in a very respectable 4.35 hours.
We all hit far more good shots than bad with Barry overcoming the 'pull to the left' jinx that the Golf G-ds had placed on his head. His drives were as straight and as long as the section of the Sprain between Jackson Ave and Greenburgh. (I thought some local geography would be welcomed by my Westchester readers who are far from home.) He and I finished with back/back "BY BY's" on the 18th and 19th holes (hint - old time favorite Broadway Show). Les has mastered the use of his golf cart and was playing quite well -- until the 'bell rang' and he had to leave with a few holes to go - to celebrate Ben's birthday .... and we extend to Ben the warmest wishes for a HAPPY 24th Birthday.
And I'm going to continue to Ride the Wave -- not worrying about the eventual wipe out (another surfer term I picked up when I was hanging 9). So until next week
Hit your drives long and straight and make your putts short and true.
Chip Out
Monday, April 13, 2009
Opening Day
Without much fanfare - Opening Day was upon us. Sleepless nights spent in the parking lot was paying off as we had our first 'official' start of the golf season. April 13th and we were ready -- Les has joined our foursome - and Dan has moved on to 'greener pastures.' (he bought a membership in a country club - not the farm.) It was a sunny day -- temperature at tee time was a balmy 33 degrees (yes, one degree above freezing - although there were icy spots where puddles of water accumulated on the course) and there was a stiff enough breeze (really a wind) for there to be 'gale warnings' for mariners. Three of us were dressed appropriately - Barry wearing two golf gloves, Les wearing a golf glove and a wool glove, Richie in a fleece jacket, and me dressed as thought I was still in Durham, NC where the weather was a balmy 65 degrees. (we spent 16 hours in Durham - 6 of them in daylight - where we enjoyed a spectacular Seder. Well worth the 21 hours of driving that was required.)
I had spent days during the winter Snow shoeing on the golf course and wasn't as cold. It's very challenging to wipe your nose (constantly dripping), blow on your hands - fingers were numb and turning blue, while swinging a club. We played the course in a very reasonable 4 hrs and 35 minutes -- and would have played faster if we didn't stop to warm up around the bon fire someone built in the sand trap on the 8th hole. (the back 9 is now officially the front 9 and I'm referring to the 8th hole that is really the 17th hole -- do I have that right?) It should be noted that the 'woods' burn better than the 'irons'.
We knew Les would fit right in -- and bring something special. We weren't disappointed. Ever go on a road trip and have your car breakdown --- most of us are 'useless' and wait for triple A - or someone else to rescue us. A very few among us are skilled in the important things in life -- automotive repair -- and are able to change a tire, put on a new fan belt, and adjust the time on the clock without consulting the manual. In Les, we have our own 'craftsman.' Les came to play with a new golf cart. It was beautiful - shiny blue - complete with straps for the bag and a place for a scorecard. The only difference was the third wheel was installed in a way that essentially rendered the push cart 'dangerous.' This mistake in assembly was 'kindly' pointed out to Les by the starter and I'm confident the stares of golfers and smiles not quite hidden behind hands were due to Les' golf cart that looked more like a scooter. At the 16th hole (which was really the 6th hole - I'm hating this new system) Les could take it no more and with the help of another noted mechanic - Barry - he disassembled the cart and put it back - the right way. Imagine how brave it was for Les to risk taking apart the cart and putting it back together - while playing. He was ready to abandoned this new purchase on the side of the course if he failed. Most of us -- especially me - would have grunted it out - accepted being the brunt of smirks and not so humorous comments made by other golfers, and waited until I got home - not to fix the cart - but to call for assistance: 1-800-Schwartz. In many ways Les is like the Captain, who also took a great risk and ended up saving his crew and willingly becoming a hostage to the Pirates. Like Les, he had faith thatthings would work out. Thankfully, the Captain was rescued in what will be made into a TV movie with Ben playing the role of the pirate who had a 'boo boo' and surrendered to get a band aid, and Les successfully fixed the cart.
That was the best part of the day. With the frigid temperatures and the whipping wind - I managed to play terrible golf (perhaps not as bad as some of the favorites at Augusta - who fell apart when the pressure got to much. Is it really possible that all the time I am hitting trees that I'm really taking after the great Tiger?) Next time there is a snow advisory - I may suggest we not play.
As we all know - this blog is about "more" and not just Golf. I humbly express my sincerest apologies to my readership who were so vocal in their disapproval of the off color joke I recounted in last week's blog. I heard your admonitions (SAT word) loud and clear -- and while you weren't 'big enough' to go public with your complaints -- I will give in to your Puritanical upbringing and not use humor that one routinely finds in classics like Two and a half Men. To those who complained most vociferously, I would like to meet your parents and understand what kind of family life you had when good natured 'sexual banter' evokes such strong disgust.
One last thought -- I have a carton full of used golf balls -- and I always recycle the balls (meaning I play with them over and over) - rather than play with 3 new balls. I have dozens of new balls that just collect dust - and I finally had a break through. I went outside of character and took 3 new golf balls to celebrate the start of a new season. I didn't play any better -- and perhaps I hit so many shots within 'spitting distance' because I was afraid of losing a new ball - but I purposely decided to live dangerously - to live like there was no tomorrow - to play with NEW BALLS and not save them for 'another time.' Will I be able to do this two weeks in a row -- I doubt it ... but I took a first step and challenge you to do the same ...
I'm still thawing out - and hope by the next blog to have regained feeling in my fingers and toes.
Hope your drives are long and your putts are short.
Chip Out
I had spent days during the winter Snow shoeing on the golf course and wasn't as cold. It's very challenging to wipe your nose (constantly dripping), blow on your hands - fingers were numb and turning blue, while swinging a club. We played the course in a very reasonable 4 hrs and 35 minutes -- and would have played faster if we didn't stop to warm up around the bon fire someone built in the sand trap on the 8th hole. (the back 9 is now officially the front 9 and I'm referring to the 8th hole that is really the 17th hole -- do I have that right?) It should be noted that the 'woods' burn better than the 'irons'.
We knew Les would fit right in -- and bring something special. We weren't disappointed. Ever go on a road trip and have your car breakdown --- most of us are 'useless' and wait for triple A - or someone else to rescue us. A very few among us are skilled in the important things in life -- automotive repair -- and are able to change a tire, put on a new fan belt, and adjust the time on the clock without consulting the manual. In Les, we have our own 'craftsman.' Les came to play with a new golf cart. It was beautiful - shiny blue - complete with straps for the bag and a place for a scorecard. The only difference was the third wheel was installed in a way that essentially rendered the push cart 'dangerous.' This mistake in assembly was 'kindly' pointed out to Les by the starter and I'm confident the stares of golfers and smiles not quite hidden behind hands were due to Les' golf cart that looked more like a scooter. At the 16th hole (which was really the 6th hole - I'm hating this new system) Les could take it no more and with the help of another noted mechanic - Barry - he disassembled the cart and put it back - the right way. Imagine how brave it was for Les to risk taking apart the cart and putting it back together - while playing. He was ready to abandoned this new purchase on the side of the course if he failed. Most of us -- especially me - would have grunted it out - accepted being the brunt of smirks and not so humorous comments made by other golfers, and waited until I got home - not to fix the cart - but to call for assistance: 1-800-Schwartz. In many ways Les is like the Captain, who also took a great risk and ended up saving his crew and willingly becoming a hostage to the Pirates. Like Les, he had faith thatthings would work out. Thankfully, the Captain was rescued in what will be made into a TV movie with Ben playing the role of the pirate who had a 'boo boo' and surrendered to get a band aid, and Les successfully fixed the cart.
That was the best part of the day. With the frigid temperatures and the whipping wind - I managed to play terrible golf (perhaps not as bad as some of the favorites at Augusta - who fell apart when the pressure got to much. Is it really possible that all the time I am hitting trees that I'm really taking after the great Tiger?) Next time there is a snow advisory - I may suggest we not play.
As we all know - this blog is about "more" and not just Golf. I humbly express my sincerest apologies to my readership who were so vocal in their disapproval of the off color joke I recounted in last week's blog. I heard your admonitions (SAT word) loud and clear -- and while you weren't 'big enough' to go public with your complaints -- I will give in to your Puritanical upbringing and not use humor that one routinely finds in classics like Two and a half Men. To those who complained most vociferously, I would like to meet your parents and understand what kind of family life you had when good natured 'sexual banter' evokes such strong disgust.
One last thought -- I have a carton full of used golf balls -- and I always recycle the balls (meaning I play with them over and over) - rather than play with 3 new balls. I have dozens of new balls that just collect dust - and I finally had a break through. I went outside of character and took 3 new golf balls to celebrate the start of a new season. I didn't play any better -- and perhaps I hit so many shots within 'spitting distance' because I was afraid of losing a new ball - but I purposely decided to live dangerously - to live like there was no tomorrow - to play with NEW BALLS and not save them for 'another time.' Will I be able to do this two weeks in a row -- I doubt it ... but I took a first step and challenge you to do the same ...
I'm still thawing out - and hope by the next blog to have regained feeling in my fingers and toes.
Hope your drives are long and your putts are short.
Chip Out
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The Economic Crisis affects Saxon Woods Golf Course
No-one is immune from the economic crisis -- not Rick Wagner, not the 615,000 people who lost their jobs last month, and not the staff at Saxon Woods Golf Course. Barry and I had our last pre-season round today -- when we walked to the clubhouse to register - we were greeted -- yes greeted -- by the starter (same guy as last year) who gave us a big smile and shook our hands. This may not seem like much to some of you -- but to us this is the ultimate in being accepted into a club that we felt never wanted us. After years of trying to curry favor with the Starter, with no success, we are now part of his 'inner circle.' Saxon Woods golf course has finally become our 'Cheers.'
Barry quickly assumed Richie's role of 'captain' of our foursome and chatted up the starter. We were crushed to learn that his hours have been cut - with management having to take up the slack -- and that the snack shop will not open. It's not that we ever bought anything there -- but we, (really the others and not me) were quick to appreciate the 'cute girl' who worked there and was usually working on her tan. So there are two more victims -- people we have grown to know or at least ogle from a distance. Perhaps some of the stimulus money will be allocated to bring back the level of staffing that we have come to expect and count on.
The change that was announced in the prior blog -- (this is a bit like 24 when I give you the summary of the last blog) -- where the course was trying out making the back 9 the front 9 has now been institutionalized. The theory behind this is that the back 9 plays quicker and there will be less delays. Today's round took a mind boggling 5 hrs and 20 minutes - I have much more faith in Geittner's plan that the golf course's strategy to quicken play.
Barry and I were partnered with two singles -- nice guys - John and Carl -- good golfers. The weather was sunny, a bit breezy -- but no complaints. AND OUR GOLF GAME WAS like Michigan State's experience at the Big Dance. We were 'on' and 'owned' the course .... many more good shots than bad ones. More fades and draws than hooks and slices (please google to find out the differences in the terminology for golf shots and let me know).
And it appears that there are more changes -- as though playing the back 9 as the front 9 wasn't enough (and I totally screwed up keeping score - marking down the back 9's strokes on the front 9's card ... anyone following this blabber?) there is BREAKING NEWS: Barry did not bring a bagel with cream cheese or butter, he did not bring challa, he did not bring a sandwich .... BARRY BROUGHT A YOGURT ... and have you ever tried sharing a yogurt? (he did bring granola bars for that purpose).
One of the people I played with today shared this golf joke and while a bit 'risky' - I know I have to conquer my Puritanical values .... 3 friends went out on the course and picked up a single .... The single was an excellent golfer and at the end of the round, the 3 friends asked this guy to play with them the following week. The guy said he'd love to -- but he may be 20 minutes late. Next week comes - the guy is on time - and they play a round (he's playing right handed as he did the first time). The three friends invite him to play again next week - and he again accepts with the stipulation that he may be 20 minutes late. He arrives next week on time, but this time he plays the round left handed. At the end of the round - the three friends ask him to play the next week again - and he says he'd love to but he may be 20 minutes late. The three friends say to him --- You are a great golfer but why do you always say you may be 20 minutes late and why do you play left handed one week and right handed the next week. The guy smiles and says that when he wakes up he looks over at his wife -- if she is sleeping on her left side then he plays 'lefty', if she is sleeping on her right side then he plays 'righty', and if she is on her back -- then he'll be 20 minutes late. my thought was why 20 minutes? wouldn't 10 be more realistic? JUST LIKE SAXON WOODS TRIED SOMETHING NEW - I'M LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK TO SEE IF PEOPLE WANT THIS SLIGHTLY OFF COLOR HUMOR TO PERIODICALLY BE INCLUDED IN THE BLOG.
A Major Shout Out to our buddy Studley who had major surgery to replace a valve in his heart. (not sure how many valves?) He's doing great -- and we wish him G-d Speed (can someone please tell me what that means) and a quick recovery.
so until next week - OPENING WEEK - have a great one -- remember to keep your drives long and straight and your putts short.
Chip signing off
Barry quickly assumed Richie's role of 'captain' of our foursome and chatted up the starter. We were crushed to learn that his hours have been cut - with management having to take up the slack -- and that the snack shop will not open. It's not that we ever bought anything there -- but we, (really the others and not me) were quick to appreciate the 'cute girl' who worked there and was usually working on her tan. So there are two more victims -- people we have grown to know or at least ogle from a distance. Perhaps some of the stimulus money will be allocated to bring back the level of staffing that we have come to expect and count on.
The change that was announced in the prior blog -- (this is a bit like 24 when I give you the summary of the last blog) -- where the course was trying out making the back 9 the front 9 has now been institutionalized. The theory behind this is that the back 9 plays quicker and there will be less delays. Today's round took a mind boggling 5 hrs and 20 minutes - I have much more faith in Geittner's plan that the golf course's strategy to quicken play.
Barry and I were partnered with two singles -- nice guys - John and Carl -- good golfers. The weather was sunny, a bit breezy -- but no complaints. AND OUR GOLF GAME WAS like Michigan State's experience at the Big Dance. We were 'on' and 'owned' the course .... many more good shots than bad ones. More fades and draws than hooks and slices (please google to find out the differences in the terminology for golf shots and let me know).
And it appears that there are more changes -- as though playing the back 9 as the front 9 wasn't enough (and I totally screwed up keeping score - marking down the back 9's strokes on the front 9's card ... anyone following this blabber?) there is BREAKING NEWS: Barry did not bring a bagel with cream cheese or butter, he did not bring challa, he did not bring a sandwich .... BARRY BROUGHT A YOGURT ... and have you ever tried sharing a yogurt? (he did bring granola bars for that purpose).
One of the people I played with today shared this golf joke and while a bit 'risky' - I know I have to conquer my Puritanical values .... 3 friends went out on the course and picked up a single .... The single was an excellent golfer and at the end of the round, the 3 friends asked this guy to play with them the following week. The guy said he'd love to -- but he may be 20 minutes late. Next week comes - the guy is on time - and they play a round (he's playing right handed as he did the first time). The three friends invite him to play again next week - and he again accepts with the stipulation that he may be 20 minutes late. He arrives next week on time, but this time he plays the round left handed. At the end of the round - the three friends ask him to play the next week again - and he says he'd love to but he may be 20 minutes late. The three friends say to him --- You are a great golfer but why do you always say you may be 20 minutes late and why do you play left handed one week and right handed the next week. The guy smiles and says that when he wakes up he looks over at his wife -- if she is sleeping on her left side then he plays 'lefty', if she is sleeping on her right side then he plays 'righty', and if she is on her back -- then he'll be 20 minutes late. my thought was why 20 minutes? wouldn't 10 be more realistic? JUST LIKE SAXON WOODS TRIED SOMETHING NEW - I'M LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK TO SEE IF PEOPLE WANT THIS SLIGHTLY OFF COLOR HUMOR TO PERIODICALLY BE INCLUDED IN THE BLOG.
A Major Shout Out to our buddy Studley who had major surgery to replace a valve in his heart. (not sure how many valves?) He's doing great -- and we wish him G-d Speed (can someone please tell me what that means) and a quick recovery.
so until next week - OPENING WEEK - have a great one -- remember to keep your drives long and straight and your putts short.
Chip signing off
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A NEW SEASON: a World of Opposites
I'm back ... Frankly, I wasn't going to blog anymore. I had secured an multi figure endorsement deal with one of the giants (although getting smaller rapidly) in the Automobile field that fell through. We had a handshake agreement - they were supplying me with a car and weekly cash infusions and I was to blog weekly and not get caught with a bong. Who knew Congress would put pressure on the company, questioning whether it was appropriate to fly to the Congressional Hearings in private jets and enter into a lucrative endorsement contract with me.
However, the cry from loyal readers - from every state of this great nation - with special heartfelt requests from the die-hards in Arkansas, Florida, Texas and California - and the fact that the gym doesn't open until 7 am on the week-end, inspired me to continue on my quest to bare my soul and share with you the experiences of the golf course and 'more.'
Speaking of the gym (I'd give them a plug - but given their lack of response to complaints about broken equipment, dirty conditions, cold showers - they don't deserve it) - a different venture that I will be embarking on is a realty TV show - - it's gotten to the point that I have to line up at 4:40 am (gym opens at 5 am on week-days) in order to get on the only elliptical that really makes me 'sweat.' Unfortunately, there are only 4 machines (when all are operational) and 7 of us 'diehards.' Like Survivor - people employed different tactics -- I was 'late to the party' because I would first go to the locker room, grab a towel and then go to the machine. The more conniving would bring a towel from home and 'reserve' the machine and then go to the locker room. I countered by forming an alliance with one of my 'rivals' where we would save each other machines (a towel with headphones is often enough) .... but this is a material for a different blog. Just note that I was up at 4 am and blogging at 5 am because I can't let my body get out of the routine ... and chance not getting on line, before the gym opens on Monday.
So we started thinking of this golf season over the winter and was confronted with a major challenge. One of our foursome (remember - like Gilligan - we have Rich - an investment banker, Barry - an attorney, Dan - the number one fund raiser in the world and me - a social worker) decided to 'pull a Jefferson' and left the group.' READERSHIP PARTICIPATION ENCOURAGED -- who left? and what does it mean to PULL A JEFFERSON?
The three remaining members of the group spent the winter auditioning for the open position. It got ugly - and while it wasn't picked up by the media, we had similar experiences as they had when there was an open curtain call for 'models' this past month in NYC. We didn't have enough security to maintain order and I want to publicly apologize to the people of Sherbrooke Rd who were put out by the people camping out on their lawns, urinating in the streets and generally creating havoc.
A winner did emerge and we are confident "L squared" will be a fine addition. (Since we've given the trades of the other golfers, Les is a diamond importer/exporter and we figured that one day one of our kids may actually need his services.)
The winter was a tumultuous time -- not only did we have to replace the fourth member of our band (WHO DID RINGO REPLACE? (and proved that the original Beatle was NOT the Best man for the job) we had a major controversy on how many nights we had to sleep out in the Parking Lot of Saxon Woods golf course to insure our getting the tee time that we wanted. I gave into the intense pressure of the other members of the group and the plan was not to get to the lot until Thursday after work, sleep out two nights and sign up on Saturday. Having trained as an Eagle Scout (not really), but being by nature somewhat Anal (ok, very compulsive), I drove by Thursday at noon and STAYED. There were already 10 cars in line and we had decided we needed to be in the top 11. Thankfully, my job is such that as long as I can answer e-mails (and my boss finally gave into my whining and gave me a blackberry), I am not missed. What was really annoying was after sitting in the car for an unanticipated 5 hours (meaning I wasn't prepared with food, warm clothes (this was in February) or performance reviews to complete), three of the golf course maintenance crew came out and with a big smirk - moved their cars from the line - moving us from the 11th position to the 8th position. It is a cruel world and while people like that who take comfort in making other people 'suffer' are not quite in the same league as BM (ANOTHER AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION - who is the most hated man on the planet), they should be tied to a flag post and have people try to hit them with a golf ball. (people much more adept at golf than we are). A special shout out to Michael - who flew up from New Orleans to take his dad's overnight shift. It was a perfect combination of a college kid needing extra dollars and an unexpected opportunity. We did get the golf time we wanted - and because some members of our group are 'getting older and more crotchety' - we decided that we couldn't get a tee time earlier than 7:00 am on a Sunday (requiring us to get to the course by 6:30 am). Our tee time is a more comfortable 7:10 am.
The official golf season doesn't start until April 13th -- but that didn't prevent Rich and me from playing this past Saturday. Why buy a bucket of balls and go to the driving range when you can spend 5 hours on the course ..... is my philosophy. I believe practice is over rated and my game shows it ... I hit as many bad shots at the range as I do on the course.
When we arrived at the clubhouse we had a pleasant surprise. One of Rich's buddies had retired and was now the STARTER. This is a position of power since the starter decides who goes out and when. (there is technically a sign up - but often is not adhered too - at the whim of the Starter.) We got there 30 minutes before our Tee time and he said to Rich -- I'll get you guys out right away - and we went -- without a warm up swing, a practice putt or a chance to go to the bathroom. AND THEN THE FIRST SURPRISE OF THE NEW SEASON.
The starter told us that they changed things around to see if they could speed up the round and the 10 hole was now the first hole. THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR A PERSON OF ROUTINE AND DISCIPLINE. I spent the winter fantasizing about which club I would use off the first hole and now I was thrown - had to start on the 10th hole ... which is a completely different 'challenge' - wide open fairway and no dog leg to the right with a grove of menacing trees that my loyal readers will remember from last year's blogs. WE ENTERED THE WORLD OF OPPOSITES. Where 10 was 1, where good is bad, down is up ... and where the mind/body connection plays tricks on you. When we reached the 18th hole (really the 9th hole) - we felt exhausted, and ready to hit the bar for our traditional reward of a tall cold one and a stogie. But no - we had another nine to go - the front nine. I must say that this didn't affect Rich in the same way it did me -- and his game improved dramatically, including a par on the infamous 3rd hole (which is now the 15th hole....think you are having a hard time following this -- I was a complete basket case ... almost non-functional having this major change without warning. Being the entrepreneur that I am ... I am starting a support group for Saxon Wood Golfers who also are completely discombobulated by this change. (Just respond to this blog and I'll forward you the date/time and place of our first meeting).
Rich and I were paired with a lovely couple -- and once again any generalizations of 'having to play with a woman' proved to be completely wrong as she was the best of all of us -- hitting the ball consistently straight. I marveled at her husband who was significantly worse than his wife until Rich pointed out that he didn't speak a word to her for the 5 hours it took us to play the course. One oddity was they each had 'gold woods' - literally, woods whose heads were gold. (couldn't stop singing that song from the James Bond thriller -- READERSHIP NAME THAT TUNE).
On the 15th hole - (last year's course) which was what number hole this season (READERSHIP REPLY REQUESTED - this is for you math wizzes) I was faced with a dilemma. I was playing with a nike ball -- and under the swish in very small letters was the word "lady." I as using a lady's ball -- I had been playing fairly well - but it was with a Lady's ball. (Can one of my researchers please let us know what is the difference between a lady's ball and all other balls?) I raised this with my partner, who immediately mocked me and intimidated me into switching balls. As you can imagine - my golf game deteriorated and I learned a valuable lesson. I need to respect the ball for what it is -- not feel embarrassed to be seen playing with a Lady's ball -- after all as everyone knows - I am a man who is certainly in touch with his Feminine side. I am an ally and I fight sexism and other 'isms' ... and I am making a stand ... If I want to play with a Lady's Ball - then I AM GOING TO! (perhaps another support group in the making).
and so went our first round -- enough good shots to keep us dreaming and plenty of bad shots to keep us real. The pleasure of spending time with my buddies and looking forward to another 25 rounds of golf (my commitment is to not have my season cut short because I want to star in another hospital drama) means that BKGOLF and MORE is back for another season.
A special shout out to Franklin who moved to the left coast and has already successfully landed a movie and a tv pilot deal ... this is material for the next Seinfeld ... can you set me up with one of your contacts. (also to my English teacher on Biway -- I learned to use spell check ... just to make you proud).
Until next time ... may your drives be long and your putts be short.
CHIP
However, the cry from loyal readers - from every state of this great nation - with special heartfelt requests from the die-hards in Arkansas, Florida, Texas and California - and the fact that the gym doesn't open until 7 am on the week-end, inspired me to continue on my quest to bare my soul and share with you the experiences of the golf course and 'more.'
Speaking of the gym (I'd give them a plug - but given their lack of response to complaints about broken equipment, dirty conditions, cold showers - they don't deserve it) - a different venture that I will be embarking on is a realty TV show - - it's gotten to the point that I have to line up at 4:40 am (gym opens at 5 am on week-days) in order to get on the only elliptical that really makes me 'sweat.' Unfortunately, there are only 4 machines (when all are operational) and 7 of us 'diehards.' Like Survivor - people employed different tactics -- I was 'late to the party' because I would first go to the locker room, grab a towel and then go to the machine. The more conniving would bring a towel from home and 'reserve' the machine and then go to the locker room. I countered by forming an alliance with one of my 'rivals' where we would save each other machines (a towel with headphones is often enough) .... but this is a material for a different blog. Just note that I was up at 4 am and blogging at 5 am because I can't let my body get out of the routine ... and chance not getting on line, before the gym opens on Monday.
So we started thinking of this golf season over the winter and was confronted with a major challenge. One of our foursome (remember - like Gilligan - we have Rich - an investment banker, Barry - an attorney, Dan - the number one fund raiser in the world and me - a social worker) decided to 'pull a Jefferson' and left the group.' READERSHIP PARTICIPATION ENCOURAGED -- who left? and what does it mean to PULL A JEFFERSON?
The three remaining members of the group spent the winter auditioning for the open position. It got ugly - and while it wasn't picked up by the media, we had similar experiences as they had when there was an open curtain call for 'models' this past month in NYC. We didn't have enough security to maintain order and I want to publicly apologize to the people of Sherbrooke Rd who were put out by the people camping out on their lawns, urinating in the streets and generally creating havoc.
A winner did emerge and we are confident "L squared" will be a fine addition. (Since we've given the trades of the other golfers, Les is a diamond importer/exporter and we figured that one day one of our kids may actually need his services.)
The winter was a tumultuous time -- not only did we have to replace the fourth member of our band (WHO DID RINGO REPLACE? (and proved that the original Beatle was NOT the Best man for the job) we had a major controversy on how many nights we had to sleep out in the Parking Lot of Saxon Woods golf course to insure our getting the tee time that we wanted. I gave into the intense pressure of the other members of the group and the plan was not to get to the lot until Thursday after work, sleep out two nights and sign up on Saturday. Having trained as an Eagle Scout (not really), but being by nature somewhat Anal (ok, very compulsive), I drove by Thursday at noon and STAYED. There were already 10 cars in line and we had decided we needed to be in the top 11. Thankfully, my job is such that as long as I can answer e-mails (and my boss finally gave into my whining and gave me a blackberry), I am not missed. What was really annoying was after sitting in the car for an unanticipated 5 hours (meaning I wasn't prepared with food, warm clothes (this was in February) or performance reviews to complete), three of the golf course maintenance crew came out and with a big smirk - moved their cars from the line - moving us from the 11th position to the 8th position. It is a cruel world and while people like that who take comfort in making other people 'suffer' are not quite in the same league as BM (ANOTHER AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION - who is the most hated man on the planet), they should be tied to a flag post and have people try to hit them with a golf ball. (people much more adept at golf than we are). A special shout out to Michael - who flew up from New Orleans to take his dad's overnight shift. It was a perfect combination of a college kid needing extra dollars and an unexpected opportunity. We did get the golf time we wanted - and because some members of our group are 'getting older and more crotchety' - we decided that we couldn't get a tee time earlier than 7:00 am on a Sunday (requiring us to get to the course by 6:30 am). Our tee time is a more comfortable 7:10 am.
The official golf season doesn't start until April 13th -- but that didn't prevent Rich and me from playing this past Saturday. Why buy a bucket of balls and go to the driving range when you can spend 5 hours on the course ..... is my philosophy. I believe practice is over rated and my game shows it ... I hit as many bad shots at the range as I do on the course.
When we arrived at the clubhouse we had a pleasant surprise. One of Rich's buddies had retired and was now the STARTER. This is a position of power since the starter decides who goes out and when. (there is technically a sign up - but often is not adhered too - at the whim of the Starter.) We got there 30 minutes before our Tee time and he said to Rich -- I'll get you guys out right away - and we went -- without a warm up swing, a practice putt or a chance to go to the bathroom. AND THEN THE FIRST SURPRISE OF THE NEW SEASON.
The starter told us that they changed things around to see if they could speed up the round and the 10 hole was now the first hole. THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR A PERSON OF ROUTINE AND DISCIPLINE. I spent the winter fantasizing about which club I would use off the first hole and now I was thrown - had to start on the 10th hole ... which is a completely different 'challenge' - wide open fairway and no dog leg to the right with a grove of menacing trees that my loyal readers will remember from last year's blogs. WE ENTERED THE WORLD OF OPPOSITES. Where 10 was 1, where good is bad, down is up ... and where the mind/body connection plays tricks on you. When we reached the 18th hole (really the 9th hole) - we felt exhausted, and ready to hit the bar for our traditional reward of a tall cold one and a stogie. But no - we had another nine to go - the front nine. I must say that this didn't affect Rich in the same way it did me -- and his game improved dramatically, including a par on the infamous 3rd hole (which is now the 15th hole....think you are having a hard time following this -- I was a complete basket case ... almost non-functional having this major change without warning. Being the entrepreneur that I am ... I am starting a support group for Saxon Wood Golfers who also are completely discombobulated by this change. (Just respond to this blog and I'll forward you the date/time and place of our first meeting).
Rich and I were paired with a lovely couple -- and once again any generalizations of 'having to play with a woman' proved to be completely wrong as she was the best of all of us -- hitting the ball consistently straight. I marveled at her husband who was significantly worse than his wife until Rich pointed out that he didn't speak a word to her for the 5 hours it took us to play the course. One oddity was they each had 'gold woods' - literally, woods whose heads were gold. (couldn't stop singing that song from the James Bond thriller -- READERSHIP NAME THAT TUNE).
On the 15th hole - (last year's course) which was what number hole this season (READERSHIP REPLY REQUESTED - this is for you math wizzes) I was faced with a dilemma. I was playing with a nike ball -- and under the swish in very small letters was the word "lady." I as using a lady's ball -- I had been playing fairly well - but it was with a Lady's ball. (Can one of my researchers please let us know what is the difference between a lady's ball and all other balls?) I raised this with my partner, who immediately mocked me and intimidated me into switching balls. As you can imagine - my golf game deteriorated and I learned a valuable lesson. I need to respect the ball for what it is -- not feel embarrassed to be seen playing with a Lady's ball -- after all as everyone knows - I am a man who is certainly in touch with his Feminine side. I am an ally and I fight sexism and other 'isms' ... and I am making a stand ... If I want to play with a Lady's Ball - then I AM GOING TO! (perhaps another support group in the making).
and so went our first round -- enough good shots to keep us dreaming and plenty of bad shots to keep us real. The pleasure of spending time with my buddies and looking forward to another 25 rounds of golf (my commitment is to not have my season cut short because I want to star in another hospital drama) means that BKGOLF and MORE is back for another season.
A special shout out to Franklin who moved to the left coast and has already successfully landed a movie and a tv pilot deal ... this is material for the next Seinfeld ... can you set me up with one of your contacts. (also to my English teacher on Biway -- I learned to use spell check ... just to make you proud).
Until next time ... may your drives be long and your putts be short.
CHIP
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